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Romance

Katarzyna PotockaKatarzyna Potocka

What is it about romance that women start crying when they see a Hollywood movie with a happy end or read one of those “Jane Austen”-ish books that makes them feel that they could have more than they have now. What makes this twisted and hard to get romantic relationship with this man that seems so wrong for you but is the best you could wish for so damn interesting and interrogating, that you get the feeling that you are missing the best in your life until you can be sure that you’ve struggled through all this damn shit to get to the part where you can say for yourself: you found your happy ever after.

What makes women think that they deserve a little bit more romance than they tend to get these days.

Is it too much to ask for of a man to hold the door for you?
Is it too much to look forward when he brings you flowers without needing to have commercial reminders that it’s again THIS time of year, when all men are forced to buy flowers?
Is it demanding to wish for the feeling, that he loves you more than he can imagine — even though admitting these days that something could last forever is like trying to call a Nokia mobile phone a smart phone — an absolutely NO GO.

Is it weakness?

Do you have to call a man weak when he admits that he is not able to live his life without you — not because he isn’t really able but because he just doesn’t want to miss the times when he makes you laugh. Just because he can’t imagine to not fall asleep next to you? Instead of thinking of these men as weak in my opinion they are the strongest men ever. Admitting that they have fallen deeply in love with another person should give them the strength to overcome each and every obstacle — and if that’s not the best of Thor, Hulk and Iron Man I don’t know what is.

Romance — a NO WORD?

Is romance a word you should avoid in the 21st century? Just because women are able to get higher education and are on their way to top manager positions does that mean that we shouldn’t be treated like women? Do we really have to chose between independence and romance? Are these two mutually exclusive? To get this Jane Austen romance do we really have to give up our independence?

I once read that “A strong woman needs even a stronger shoulder to cry on” — but where are these shoulders that we can rely on? Where is this soulmate that can take me as I am, accept my perfect imperfections and give me the shoulder to cry on I’m so damn in need for when I break down? Just because I earn my own money that doesn’t mean that I’ve lost my feminine soul and am not a ballerina down beneath all those tough layers I try to keep up all day long. Is it harder for men to impress women nowadays? Probably! Was it ever easy to do so? Probably not! So just because the circumstances have changed and the balance between women and men became a little bit more equal that doesn’t mean that we don’t want to be taken care of. That we don’t want to be overwhelmed with this feeling of being loved by someone who wants to be with us — no matter what. It doesn’t mean, just because we can open the damn door by ourselves, that we want to!

The balance between respect and being a gentleman

Probably the balance between giving the woman you love the respect she deserves and wants — tell them Aretha — and giving her the feeling a woman wants to get at least sometimes, of being a “lady” is damn hard. But nobody ever said that a relationship between any two people is easy. We speak two different languages, we definitely have two different brains spinning around different thoughts which results in at least two totally different understandings. But still — why is there always the feeling, that men nowadays try to find all kinds of excuses instead of investing this time in trying to figure out how to get the woman they all so love to smile a little bit more often. It really isn’t that hard – believe me. It’s the small things that count the most — the little things he thinks of before we can figure them out by ourselves. The simple actions he is determined to take to make us smile just one more time and make our heart jump just a tiny little bit.

So is romance really dead? I for damn sure hope that it’s not. Because without romance, without books like the novels by Jane Austen there would be no light in this sometimes so dark world. There would be no hope for real love. No hope at all for being able to find the love you desire and you fall for, the first moment you get in touch with it.

Who doesn’t want to feel like the characters in a Jane Austen novel and doesn’t want to struggle with their feelings like Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy.
Who doesn’t want to feel the breathtaking moments while being happier than a human heart can even take.
Who doesn’t want to feel the big smashing whole in his heart when you feel the love of your life slipping through your fingers and you manage to grab it the last possible moment to keep it safe — forever.
Who doesn’t want to feel the glueing sensation your soulmate can give you, while holding you and trying to calm you at those moments when you feel that the whole world is collapsing.

These are the moments when you know that by only one touch of his hand, by only one stroke of his fingers he will make all the pain go away. That he will make all the wholes stick together and will make you whole again.

That’s the way it is — or not?

Is it in our responsibility to take over the romantic part and tell men what we really want. But when that’s the way it should work, do we really know what we want? Do we know how they should show us their affection and love? Do we know what we expect them to do? Or is it more just the part that they try to take 5 minutes out of their oh-so-busy day to just think about us that we do expect! Are 5 min per day really too much to ask for? Is our life so damn busy that we tend to forget to make other people, especially the ones that we claim to love more than ourselves, laugh and feel loved? And if that’s the point, is this the world and life worth living?

“In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”

— Jane Austen – Pride and Prejudice

 

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